Only in Africa

(Update Below)
1. The Assistant Headmaster announced to the students days prior to last weekend's Speech Day ceremony, "you must take (drink) plenty of water early in the morning Saturday so you have enough time to pass urine. I do not want students getting up to go to the toilet during Speech Day."

2. A gave a small US Flag to a colleague. He showed it to his 6-year-old son and asked, "Do you know this flag?" His son stared at it for a few moments before proudly announcing, "Obama!"

3. During this week's closing assembly (Students leave for the holiday break today), the Headmistress said, "I am seeing much bushy hair and beards! You think you can wear bushy hair and get away with it. Well, I tell you, enjoy it during holiday but when you return, cut every hair! And scrub your hair, you are very filthy!" She also reminded the girls, "do not hem your uniforms. The boys and the male teachers do not have the time to look at your thighs and guts. They have many responsibilities."

4. My computer is infested with teeny tiny spiders. When I opened it this morning they were scurrying in and out of the keys. I tried to blow some out but they hang on pretty well. Occasionally when they streak across the screen I can kill them. Maybe they like the CPU heat? Does anyone know what raid does to computers?

5. Two boys have been stopping by the house each day asking if I "need any help." After turning them away the first couple of time (because I didn't know what they could help me with and I felt a bit weird by the offer) I finally agreed with their suggestions to let them sweep and mop the porch. After pitching in for a couple of days they sheepishly asked me if I could do something for them. I expected a request for money, American stuff, or something similar. Instead they asked if I wouldn't mind taking them to the Internet Cafe and showing them some educational websites.

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Update

First, I discovered the "spiders" are actually tiny ants. Second, I stumbled upon a solution to my computer infestation problem. Place a crumb of food on the table next to the computer and within a few minutes the ants are swarming the food, and none are left inside the computer! Now I just have to clean out my computer keyboard of American food crumbs and they *shouldn't* return!